1 May to 7 May
5 Spots Left
Just the word alone can spark you with twinkling dreams, but not without* a sprinkle of personal inadequacy. We all have a bit of New York in us, don’t we? The dream reminds us of our limitations and the limitations remind us of the dream. We stretch, we strain, we reach, we stretch and strain again. The myth of “New York” is a psycho-physical network, just like the ego itself.
The New York workshop is distinguishable from the other workshops because the need to eat or be eaten, fight or flight, comes up for us, as it is profoundly mirrored back to us in the fast paced lifestyle of the New York woman. We get a powerful reflector for our own anxiety from both the city and the people we meet. New York is an excellent training ground. Maybe the best.
In this workshop, we are going to examine this inner rat race and the power of finding control and leadership despite the pull from the city, the people and our own inner tension. We will learn to discover the pattern of our fight’r flight mentality, inevitably transcending it as a conditioned reflex, typically stemming from the belief that “I am not good enough.”
…to survive there you must be constantly editing your social surroundings, constantly filtering who belongs and does not belong in your life.
For starters, New York is a town where no one can stick around unless you have a sense of purpose and you are able to merge that purpose with your attitude, and then drive it forward, for your livelihood.
This editing however, is exactly what makes us doubt ourselves in a busy city.
Because we just want to be liked, we lag and fiddle around with this important question far too long in our lives, and this pattern is so strong in us that we seldom get the high ground to ask whether we like HER!? In NYC, we have to train this part of ourselves from the start.
Because everyone is doing it. Everyone is editing, everyone is a stranger, no one extends a hand unless there is a relevant context. But you’re wrong if you think this makes it an uneven playing field. By nature, New York is the ‘evening’ of everything. Hope will not cut it here. You won’t get by with a ‘you win some and you lose some’ mentality. In some towns, there is drawn out courtship, there are acquaintances; there are remote prospects, there is no hurry; you win some, you lose some, “maybe Sarah likes me; maybe Jennifer will call back.” Endurance, lingering, hoping, passive anticipation all have a function in some towns; but in New York, there is no hope. You have to hit ground zero. You have to get past petty expectation; you have to get beyond hope. It’s your only hope.
The way that we will learn to build “thick skin” is the exact opposite of what you might think. You may think that you need to train indifference, or a particular attitude, power, cunning, or a matching or higher value to roll with the average New Yorker, or any person who doesn’t think to give you the time of day, but – as we said – everyone is in the same boat: we are better off finding a common ground than palying the high ground. Again, any legit New Yorker has her social editing teeth sharpened. So what do you do in a room full of skillful cheetahs and cougars and wild kittens? There’s no point in trying to hold down such a frisky beast in this savage frontier land. No
The exact thing that gives a New Yorker sharp teeth is the thing she fears most. She is strong. She is unbending, and she had to become this way because she is sensitive. And sensitivity is something the nice guy knows a lot about. But wait, what? We become strong because of our human need? “Why haven’t all my insecurities turned me into Superman?” you’re asking. Well, just because survival is the preservation of our mortality, this doesn’t mean we have a clue of WTF we are doing. It doesn’t mean that we are integrated. It doesn’t mean that we know ourselves so well that we can instantaneously spot and feel and calibrate to another person’s humanity, regardless of how fast-paced or scary she seems to you.
The irony is that we don’t see it in her half the time because we are trying to be impenetrable, immutable, inhuman, elusive, immortal, deceptive, strategic, likable, over-planned, over-thinking, all in oder to enjoy the fruits of our mortality? We are inhuman to win at humanity. Why? Because loneliness, insecurity, and the feeling of separation are still as mysterious to you as she is.
Ironically, we will do everything to protect, tip toe and calculate around what is in fact a totally instinctive, automatic, UNMANNED, inevitable, feeling-driven, fully conscious experience: YOU. It’s one of the great glitches in our evolution: in becoming strong we overlook our human need, like picking slowly at the scab to feel alive, while bleeding out at the same time. Or despite amazing technologies, the species at the top of the food chain became the least globally efficient at feeding itself, as a result of trying to feed (stockpile) for itself. Thick skin protects a body that can never be touched. It’s a contradiction of the strangest order. My goal has always been to correct the imbalances and teach integration, because I am living proof that it works – that it wins. A solid foundation leaves you at the top of the mountain.
Once located, we learn to play in it. One of the things I teach is called relational atunement. We are finding the material-like quality of awareness in ourselves, clear as day, and thereby finding it in others. The same is learned with EMOTION and PHYSICAL SENSATION. Finding our own, we can spontaneously see them and speak to them in others. This felt-sense or clarity eliminates the feeling of stranger. Neither the three qualities nor she is separate from us. This is one stage of integration. This is a specific system and strategy of non-dual realization. It allows us to have – at the same time – ‘safety’ and ‘progression.’
“I suck. I have been getting the same results (no results) for years.” We all apreciate the idea of confidence. We know it is something we can lose and something we can gain. It is a perspective, therefore. So when we can look at the same thing we’ve been looking at forever, but now see things differently, to a point that we experience things differently she too experiences herself and things differently. You only have to have been drunk and social once or twice to know how much social dynamics can change. So as you see things differently, she sees the relationship differently. Talk to a beautiful woman on the street versus talking to her when you are her lawyer or doctor and she looks up to you…these are very different things. As you see things differently, and as your experience of separation changes, she sees the relationship differently, including feelings of safety, common ground, physical and psychological proximity, and, very quickly, sexuality. She is curious to have more of that with you, because she feels more of IT with herself. This IT is connection.
Relational atunment connects us to others through our connection with ourselves. More fascinatingly, our connection to ourselves connects others to themselves
This takes us to a second stage. Shadow work.
To reach her where she wants to feel her own self, we are going to first have to reach the disowned parts of ourselves, including the things we hate most about ourselves. It is deep but it is worthwhile, because, what does a woman want? When someone feels good with you it’s because she feels good with herself (with you.) The shadow work process guides us to experience where exactly the thing she wants for herself is the thing you want for yourself. (There’s no word for this exactly, call it “a strong sense of self or being, or home, or confidence or mirrored-consciousness.” And if you’ve got it, she will look for you. She will look for herself, in you. This is the supreme common ground. This is the job of the man. To be a Man.
The New Yorker is a master editor, she is desensitized to soliciting. This is how you have a sincere emotional impact on a woman who is adapted to a city’s anonymity but who wants nothing more than to meet an amazing man. This is how you balance yourself in a city that is simultaneously the most uncensored and honest AND also the most impersonal city because of it. Everyone is all-heart in NYC, you just have to find it (beating underneath).
Pass through the uniqueness of the New York workshop and learn that people are the same everywhere.
Travel Bum’s sequence of six Non-Dual practices that eliminate the feeling of separation between two people.
It poured nearly every day the month I arrived in New York and the streets had only a few hours to stink yellow again before the flood. I did a lot of walking and there was a sense of renewal watching the gutters sift beneath into those places never discussed. You could imagine the sewers as the body – the girdle keeping it intact really – and you could hear her intestinal rumble late at night as I went home to my crappy bunk bed and the sun coming up by the Hudson River – that filthy bidet – a blow-out to the senses, a pause from her contractions, a spiritual wafting listening to the splish-splash of things becoming fresh.
There was never any word of it though. Never a whisper loud enough to out-hum the computers systems or the lights buzzing on 42nd street, the waiters clanging through bottles of San Pelligrino – natural and sparkling, the Wall Streetians gone North to Soho restaurants to deflate at the end of the day, announcing themselves and cackling with their tongues out, whistling and applauding, conducting and waiting to urinate in their chipchoppy heels and opaque laughter, like the infectious cues for the Mexican underworld: – the kitchen staff freshly gathered below ground in their smocks and aprons, and set to fire up the grills. Rain from above; men from the south; all drain into the sewers of New York. They bring renewal and shrimp cocktails up the metal doors beneath the concrete. Many of the customers not even speaking, it seemed from where I looked – ME – deafened at the job, just wagging their tongues automatically at each other like dikes in a porn show. Or I’d interrupt a table: “the Chilean Sea Bass is a pan-seared filet served with a yellow pepper coulis, a potato puree, and baby winter greens.”
After work, it was never enough, not the smell of acid piss on every wall or all the oil scuffed if I could from the headrests of every cum laden cab. Alone at night, I learned to hallucinate – to reach for the stars like a boomerang always drawn back to the lights of Manhattan. I’d sniff the ivory as high as you could see. The moon itself was less important than the hope of what it could light up. It was New Fucking York; I wanted it in me and through; in me and through. I couldn’t bear the peripheral aromas, ME, centered at Dean and Deluca’s or taking refuge at the MOMA, justified-me in the couture, I wanted to gorge and devour, the best hussy in New York alone at dawn after the stockbrokers and their Tanqueraysodas had ruined everything, Me, the last pulse in a concrete asshole.
Learn how to communicate in a totally connected way.
Openness is not an attitude. The mind can actually rewire the ego’s protective patterns. We will practice this using body transparency, making “social-freedom” exercises redundant or nonsense.
Ever wonder why you’re actually nervous around others? You’re afraid of others because your unconscious mind is split from your conscious mind. The unconscious mind is just your body. The blood knows where to go. The lungs know to breathe. The stomach digests. Realize yourself as your entire body and break the mental reverb due to this split.
From cracking jokes, to calling her out on her bullshit, to coming up with spontaneous and creative thoughts, to getting her number, to careful approach technique, to social intelligence, to sexual escalation, we will use the practices of steadying the mind, deepening the awareness, and awakening subtleties of communication to arouse a totally natural and instinctive compass of social calibration.
Learn to detect and track your body’s anxiety impulses, as they choke you up or paralyze you. Develop the muscle memory to keep this energy where it belongs – in your centre, not with the thoughts up in your head.
The self-realized body produces joy all by itself. Why are you unhappy? Your thoughts would not be a problem if there were not a body to suffer them. In this process, you realize the natural state of the body and mind as contentment. Cut out the alcohol and learn to harness this energy like your own natural ego-softening cocktail.
With the use of over 30 non-duality exercises, we learn to feel and mirror the other peron’s awareness, emotional and physical reality, and we come home to a shared sense of experience. The attunement to a common ground brings us home to the relaxedness and spontaneity that we have around friends and family. No one is a stranger anymore.
New York Workshop
The resistance to approaching women is fundamentally a resistance to a part of you that you can’t see / are disgusted by. Whether it’s shame, anxiety or fear, our whole practice and teachings are about getting you to inhabit your body more fully and feel good inside your skin, both personally and interpersonally, no matter what.
Making mistakes is part of the growth and learning process. We would be worried if no mistakes were made, and so we encourage taking risks, and we support one another when we fuck up. We just make sure to fuck up, and then clean up immediately.
About 3 hours a day. Occasionally 4 hours.
Certainly. We have students who meet girls during approach class and end up spending the whole day together. Same goes for any kind of intimacy, sexual adventures, one night stands and soul mating – but remember this: the kind of success stories you mention above easily come and go, and although they are rampant during our workshops, we also help students uncover a deeper more lasting felt experience of “success” independent of external results.
The 6 day workshop is a very distilled 21st century approach to personal and interpersonal human integration where students learn to reclaim disowned parts of themselves, transcend the small perspective of the contracted ego frozen in fear, and feel good inside their skin in order to connect with attractive women, people and their environment more freely.
Great question. It can even be said that it takes many lifetimes to come fully home to your true self. However, all we can do is learn to practice honestly and devotionally with the right teachers and the right community. We firstly make it very clear that the actual length of this workshop is your entire life, and you alone are truly responsible for your awakening and growth as a man. We simply provide you with a safe container and a 21st century approach to personal and interpersonal healing that aims at illuminating and shifting the way you see yourself and the world in a lasting way. It’s all up to you. It always has been, and we are here to point the way as best as we can.
I had been to 2 Workshops before coming to TB Coaching, and I can genuinely say that this is a life-changing workshop. I'm so glad I decided to go here.
There is nothing like this anywhere else. Andrew's coaching and dating come from a place of happiness. I've been through other workshops before, that the coaches have this negative aura surrounding them. It seems like they don't even care about what you are getting as a student.
The one month workshop was life changing. I had no idea how much I didn't know about myself and my shadows and how that was affecting my relationships with not only women I would meet but also family, friends and workmates. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It was next level man. Andrew and Joe really know what they are doing.
“Every solution to connecting with women is mere strategy. Every solution is a trick. The one exception is the moment you don’t feel separate from each other. How much longer are you gonna wait for that to happen?”
He has a specialty in using 25 years of meditation to help men and women break down their sense of interpersonal anxiety to have an unconsciously unified connection. Andrew is a certified teacher in non-dual meditation and embodiment psychotherapy in The Realization Process of Non-Duality. He was famous for a web series called The Travel Bum Show, devoted to learning the dating customs and social dynamics of different cultures around the world. It had millions of views and inspired many men across the globe.
He has always been devoted to communication and deep spiritual discovery. He was a visual artist and a cinematographer who eventually couldn’t resist committing himself to his calling: guiding men and women to find their natural and unimpeded state of being. Friends and clients refer to him as a life study, with an incredible power to see things (beneath and within) that the average mind will never penetrate. Combining 6 years of daily zen practice with interpersonal healing, Joseph is known for transmitting rich insight and new perspectives.